"you show up and the world is wild!"

Rainer Maria, a banda, foi a inspiração para nomear este blog, não só o nome dele, mas também o endereço, fazem referência à banda. "A better version of me" é o nome de um álbum e "The awful truth of loving" o nome de uma música da banda. Há dez anos, escutando os álbuns A better version of me e Long knives drown, lendo O amor nos tempos do cólera de Gabriel García Márquez, eu encontrava pistas do que eu sentia. Se mantenho as referências até hoje é porque algo daquele tempo ainda está comigo - e é disso que falo quase o tempo todo neste blog - mesmo que não exatamente da mesma forma... ao longo dos anos, mais bonito, mais triste, mais complicado, mais pesado, mais vazio e, há dois dias, mais interessante, além de um pouco distante da trilha sonora de 2006. Não consigo ainda dizer o que é, nem escrever algo no mínimo bonito a respeito, mas tenho uma nova trilha sonora. Na falta das minhas palavras, tento encaixar os últimos dois dias nos últimos dez anos na imagem de uma playlist:

1. The double life (Rainer Maria)
 save me some time, I can't tell any more what's yours and what's mine

2. The awful truth of loving (Rainer Maria)
it's a dilemma of boys and girls for centuries
do I really know you? do you really need me?
first it feels right then you write a novel worrying about the awful truth of loving

3. Ears ring (Rainer Maria)
You need contact daily
Your conscience is failing
You need contact daily
And you already love her

4. Catastrophe (Rainer Maria)
But I've got a plan.
I'm gonna find you
at the end of the world

5. Bottle (Rainer Maria)
It's like a bottle to the head.
I'm seeing stars, I'm seeing red.
I'd taste your mouth in anyone's kiss.
Where do you end and I begin?

6. Life of leisure (Rainer Maria)
The future's going out of focus.
Our talk is cheap, but the phone bill is not.
And how can one word mean another?
And why am I staying up alone in the dark?

7. Southpaw (Rainer Maria) 
Cracked knuckles, and my fists are bandaged up for the fight.
Am I ready?There's the bell.
How many rounds can I go?
And how can I soften the blows?
Can I avoid them altogether?
But my heart isn't in this.
I'm supposed to be a seasoned fighter.
It feels like my first hit.(and it hurts like...)
I didn't see this coming anyway.(yeah, it hurts like hell)
But my heart isn't in this.
I'm supposed to be a seasoned fighter.
It feels like my first hit.(and it hurts like...)
I didn't see this coming anyway.(yeah, it hurts like hell)
So don't tell the crowd,
but I'm gonna let my guard down.

8.  Make you mine (Rainer Maria)
Can you name all the bones in my body?
Can you make all the tones in my head?
[...]
Can you lay all my ghosts in their graves?

9. This is love (P.J. Harvey) 
I can't believe life's so complex 
When I just wanna' sit here and watch you undress 
This is love that I'm feeling 

10. Untitled and unsung (Belly) 

I want you soft in the middle. I see a strange and furious face. I know your heart. I want your pearly hand in my hair. We make a strange and furious pair. I want you locked in the middle. I know your heart. I know your heart. It's just like mine was. So you wanna know why I can't sleep. You wanna know why I can't sleep. You wanna know why I can't sleep. Unless I've got a belly full of wine. You show up in time for a bad time. Mmm, 'less I've got a belly full of wine. You show up and the world is wild. I want your pearly little hand in my hair. We make a strange and furious pair. I want you pearly on the inside. I know your heart. I know your heart. It's just like mine was. So you wanna know why I can't sleep at night. You wanna know why I can't sleep at night. You wanna know why I can't sleep. Unless I've got a belly full of wine. You show up in time for a bad time. Mmm, 'less I've got a belly full of wine. You show up in tails for a bad time. Mmm, 'less I've got my belly full of wine. I'm drunk and the world is wild. You got it. Heaven in your hand,You got it. You got it, Heaven in your hand.

11. ?